**************************************************************************** ### # # ### ##### ## # # # ## ## # # ### ##### ## ### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### # # # # # # # # # ## # #### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### # ## # # # ## ## ## ### # # # # # ### ____________________________________________________________________________ # # ### #### # # #### # # ### #### ##### # # ##### #### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### ### ##### # # #### ##### # # ##### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### ### # # # # #### # # ### # # # ##### ##### #### *******NUMBERS 246 TO 250*****************************BY DANIEL BOWEN******* *****Please note, some of the quoted addresses within this file may no***** ***longer be correct. Please always use tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu for enquiries*** "Nameless Toxic Custard" ---======---====---==-==-==---======-------> -----==----==-----==-==-==---==---------> Toxic Custard ----==----==-----==-==-==---=====--------> Workshop Files ---==-----=====---======---==---------------> Number 246 - 24/4/95 Ever decided to change the way people know you? To use an alternative derivation of your name? Don't. At least, try to avoid it. Unless you act like a fascist about it to the people you already know, it's just too much hassle. New people who meet you will be okay. But anyone who already knows you will still know you by the old name. When you ring them up, you'll be torn between opening with "Hi, it's Daniel" or "Hi, it's Danny." Yes, I am a sufferer. I don't mind that a few people that I've known for more than ten years call me Danny. I just decided I didn't like it anymore. Okay, to be honest, I first used Danny when I started primary school, because it was easier to spell than Daniel. So ten years ago I switched. I reckoned Daniel sounded more grown up. Of course, being known by different names makes it easier to remember people who re-introduce themselves to you after a long period of time. But the ultimate solution for names would be, when introduced to someone, to introduce yourself as having exactly the same name. It goes something like this: PERSON: "Hi, I'm Mike Cardigan." YOU: "Oh really? What a coincidence, I'm Mike Cardigan too!" PERSON: "Oh really, that's amazing..." (etc) <10+ YEARS LATER> PERSON: "Mike Cardigan! G'day mate, I haven't seen you in years!" YOU: "Oh hi, how are you! Mike Cardigan, isn't it!" PERSON: "Yes it is! You remembered!" YOU: "Well, I never forget a face... Especially with the same name as mine..." (etc) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Just went on a St John first aid course. And just to show you that you'd be in perfectly good hands if you collapsed in the street in front of me, here's an ever so slightly modified version of their drill. I call it: the Toxic Custard First Aid Drill. Just remember the letters: LCPAH. (It makes it easier if you think of a high-end MacIntosh owner being offered an inferior model: "LC? Pah!") L - stands for Look away. Try and ignore the person who has just collapsed. C - stands for Check if you've got time to administer first aid and then get to your appointment on time. P - stands for Panic, when you see how bad the person looks. A - stands for Ambulance. Because they can deal with the problem much better than you can. H - stands for Hero. Which is what you'll be if you can ignore this drill and do something useful instead. I've mentioned before that I have a mobile phone. Alas, I have so far come across no accidents, where I would have the chance to ring for help and thus justify to the world my need for having it. Especially as hardly anyone ever calls me. And I'm not a real estate agent or a property tycoon, so I can't use it to point at buildings I've bought. The phone companies would have us believe that Australia has just about the largest percentage of mobile phones in the world. Yep, coming up to 2 million phones. For about 17 million people. Heck, I know *I* wanted to buy mine so as not to miss out on being at least semi-fashionable. Phones have different rings. But not different enough. Whenever one rings, no matter how distinctive it sounds, everyone with a phone feels for theirs to check. One way around this is the vibrating phone. That's right folks, the *vibrating* phone. The phone being constantly at your side has its price. I mean apart from a $30 a month connection fee. True story: I get up from my desk, saunter towards the toilets, trying not to look too urgent. Go in. Walk up to the urinals. Undo zipper. Just about to whop it out and take care of business, when *RING* *RING*. One second later, and either I'd have got wet shoes, or someone would have not got an answer. I hope I'd have plumbed for the latter. You have to be polite with your phone. For instance, making sure it doesn't go off in restaurants. I mean more your cultured location, of course, rather than McDonalds - who the hell cares if a phone goes off in McDonalds?! It helps drown out the Musak and squawking teenagers. But the real thing to watch for is breaking the new Communications laws. A new amendment, just passed, states that: "It shall be illegal for anyone to knowingly and willingly make gratuitous use of a mobile communications device before a large number of people, with intent to look cool or impress." But with mobile phones becoming so popular, nowadays as I walk down the street, I try to spot who could be "carrying". Not everyone wears their Poserphone on their belt. The people with those vibrating phones tend to leave them in their pockets; for that cheap thrill when someone calls. A new angle on telephone sex. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - TOXIC HISTORY OF THE WORLD Part 41. Is it over yet? 1919 AD Diplomats world-over rejoice. They've never had so much work to do. Most of Europe is renegotiated and reorganised after the war, creating Czechoslovakia, the Rugby League of Nations and the break-up of the Ottoman empire. 1922 Mussolini becomes head of the Italian government, and manages to stay in power a lot longer than any post-1945 government. But then, they weren't fascist dictatorships. Maybe Mussolini was asked to step-down after the usual two weeks, and he said "No! Fuck off! I'm busy making the trains run on time!" 1924 Lenin is astonished to see that his death is scheduled on one of Stalin's five year plans, and dies. Stalin emerges as his successor and sets out to make Russia a great industrial power, later best known for the reliability of its cars and nuclear power plants. 1929 Economists realise they haven't had a really *good* depression since around 1720. They get together for a drink, get really blotto, and take the sharemarket out on the highway, crashing it immediately. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Most Toxic Custard back-issues are available at: ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard and on the being revamped World Wide Web at: http://www.forthnet.gr/humour/tcwfhtml2/main.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1995 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed without profit provided no modifications are made. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia. BEWARE! Box jellyfish!----------------- Work: bowed@cpgen.cpsg.com.au---> Computer Power Education, ITS R&D Project Play: dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu-----> TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu---------------- The opinions expressed here are, believe it or not, mine.------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Bonus Toxic Custard" toxic custard work#######le##tox## c########orkshop files toxic custard workshop files####i##cus##rd works##p files toxic custard workshop files tox####ustar########op fil## toxic custard workshop files toxic custar#######hop fil## toxic##ustard workshop files 1/5/95 The baby is due in five days. Of course, the actual arrival date is almost bound to be completely different from the expected arrival date. In fact, only one person knows exactly when it will all happen. And he's not saying. The horoscope suggests Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, but it also said I'd come into great riches because of Saturn in the house of Aries, or something like that. And I didn't. But with this in mind, the bags are packed. A small bag for Lori, and a big bag for the baby. And the camcorder bag for me, naturally. I wouldn't miss the chance to get on Australia's Funniest Childbirth Videos. So everything is ready for the dash out the door. Of course, the dilemma is - what if we're not home when it all happens? We spent Saturday shopping around the city, wondering if the waters would break in McDonalds. That would have thrown the drones. "Quick - call an ambulance and get me a hot towel!" "Would you like fries with that?" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Del Amitri has just released a new album. And what a kick in the teeth for their loyal fans - with the new album comes a free copy of their *last* album. Oh, thanks very much guys. Like we don't already have it. Just 'cos you woke up one Monday and realised you had *ARRRGGHHH!* thousand CDs left over in the warehouse from three years ago. What do we do with the spare - use it as a frisbee? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - TOXIC HISTORY OF THE WORLD Part 42. Almost finished. 1933 AD Former odd-job man Schicklgruber Jr, better known to the world as Adolf Hitler, is appointed Chancellor in Germany. Oops. And with the job he gets free boxes of matches. Double oops. The Reichstag burns down, and he suppresses all opposition and makes himself dictator. Triple oops. Just goes to show: If there's one thing more dangerous than a complete lunatic, it's a complete lunatic as Chancellor. 1935 Hitler denounces the terms of the Versailles Treaty limiting the size of the German armed forces. He then heads down to the gym to build up his armies. Arr, arr, arr. *Slap thigh*. (It's around about here that I'd mention Hitler's attempted genocide of the Jews. But it doesn't get laughs.) 1936-9 A military rising against the left-wing government in Spain leads to the outbreak of the Spanish Civil War. "Outbreak" of war. Makes it sound like pimples, doesn't it. The war ends in 1939 when General Franco takes power. Just time for a commercial break before WW2. 1938 Hitler occupies Austria and claims the Sudetenland in Czechoslovakia. The rest of Europe tries out a new concept called "appeasement". The theory is that if they give Hitler what he wants, he won't want any more. So they agree to let Germany have the Sudetenland. Hitler promises he won't take any more of Czechoslovakia. Cross his heart and hope to die. 1939 Hitler seizes the rest of Czechoslovakia. The rest of Europe says "Ummm.. well, that's okay, but don't do anything else. Please. Otherwise we may have to declare that you're a naughty boy." Hitler says "Yeah. Sure." Well, the German equivalent, anyway. When Germany invades Poland, Britain and France finally cotton onto the fact that appeasement is crap. They declare war. The Second World War begins. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Most Toxic Custard back-issues are available at: ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard and on the being revamped World Wide Web at: http://www.forthnet.gr/humour/tcwfhtml2/main.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1995 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed without profit provided no modifications are made. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia. Don't let kookaburras crap on your head Work: bowed@cpgen.cpsg.com.au---> Computer Power Education, ITS R&D Project Play: dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu-----> TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu---------------- The opinions expressed here are mine. Anyone wanna buy them?--------------- VCR Smallish black box which sits underneath the television. Has a myriad of functions which nobody knows how to use, accessed from an even smaller box (the "remote control") which nobody knows the exact location of. Somewhere in the couch, probably. In most urban areas, video shops exist, their purpose being to rent battered, torn scratchy video tapes to VCR owners. The video tapes generally contain about 10 minutes of trailers for other material, placed on the start of the tape in the vain hope that people won't fast forward through them. Then follows 90 minutes of actual material, which in 68% of cases causes the viewer to wish they'd watched the trailers, which looked far more interesting. VCR actually stands for Visualising Crap Repeatedly, neatly summing up what most of the VCR-owning portion of the human race mostly do with their VCRs most of the time. Mostly. CURTAIN Cloth placed on the inside of a window, to prevent what windows are best at - being looked through. Some curtains are made of a kind of anonymous white fine netting material, with vague flowery patterns on them. Others contain bold colours of definite designs. Either way, they tend to fall off their curtain rod onto people's heads at the most inconvenient times. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Lumpy Toxic Custard" | ___ [[[[[[ |___ / \ :: :: [ Toxic Custard Workshop Files | | :: ::: :: [[[[[ Number 9248, 98th of May, 91995 \___ \___/ ::: ::: [ Written by Daniel Bowen Well, today it happens - all phone numbers in my little part of the world, Melbourne, grow by a digit. A nine in front of every one. The government's communications authority, Austel, claim it's all to allow more phones, better services - all the usual stuff that Austel usually claim. But is that the real reason? We at Toxic Custard have uncovered a plot by major telephone manufacturers to lobby to have phone numbers made longer, so that the buttons on their phones wear out sooner, and have to be replaced. If the average family makes two calls a day, and instead of dialling a 7 digit local number, dials 8 digits, that's 730 extra buttons pressed on that family's phone in one year. And they're almost all "9". Will our telephones stand up to that sort of treatment? Time will tell. I don't really mind, actually. I just think it's a shame that our home phone number, which at the moment is nearly symmetrical, and very easy to remember, will have these qualities shattered by adding a 9. Oh well. At least it's given me a chance to make a new answering machine message. And maybe we'll stop getting calls for the video rental place. Today is also the date of the anniversary of VE day. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Will someone please tell the Simpsons' Australian sponsors, Cottees, that it's no longer summer, and that ads extolling the virtues of icy cold drinks don't appeal so much now? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - It has been announced by Internet administrators that severe penalties will be introduced to combat the growing crimes against people using the 'Net, principally by journalists jumping on the Internet bandwagon. With the cooperation of law enforcement agencies in the appropriate countries, the following practices have been outlawed, with strict jail sentences applying: - Gratuitous use of the phrases "Information Superhighway", "Infobahn" and "Cyberspace" (minimum 2 years) - Referring to UseNet as a Bulletin Board - Printing email addresses in newspaper articles with "at" instead of @ (6 months) - Suggesting that everyone who uses the 'Net gets pornography stuffed down their throat (min. 5 yrs) In addition, any person found using the phrases "surf" "superhighway" and "cyberspace" within the space of three paragraphs will automatically be executed. And even harsher, their net access will be revoked. Special mention goes to Jill Singer of "Today Tonight", who managed to get in the word "cyberspace" into the introduction of a story about kids who use computers, and that had nothing to do with the Internet, networking, virtual reality, or any of the usual funky things that the "cyberspace" tag is added to. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - TOXIC HISTORY OF THE WORLD Part 43. Getting there. 1939 AD (continued) The Second World War gets under way, with major teams lining up to call each other names and generally irritate each other. The Poms write a song telling of doubts about the number of testicles Hitler has. 1940 One Ball and millions of German troops go for a weekend stroll, and realise they've walked through Belgium, Holland and France. Oh, and Luxembourg, if it's worth mentioning. They then proceed to drop stale strudel bombs in England. Italy joins in with Germany, attacking Greece, paralysing the country with mountains of macaroni cheese. One wonders how the Italians and Japanese fitted in with One Ball's idea of the gloriously tall, blonde German master race. Perhaps it's just as well he never got to see Neighbours or Home And Away... 1941 The Greek souvlaki is no match for One Ball's Wiener schnitzel. He polishes off Yugoslavia and Greece, then decides on Russia for dessert. But he fails to realise while listening to the 1812 Overture that the music was written about Napoleon (aka Bonehead) being defeated in Russia by the cold. And falls for the same error himself. Meanwhile, Rommel leads his German forces around North Africa, armed with lethal knotenschiefer. None of them are quite sure why it's so strategically important, but oh well, an order is an order. In December, Japan decides it's high time the USA joined in the war, and bombs Pearl Harbor with exploding sushi. While waiting for a response, they go and invade Singapore, Hong Kong, Siam, Malaya, the Philippines, Indonesia and Burma. While in Burma, they combine warfare and mass transit, and use prisoners to try and build the Burma Railway, the first bullet train. 1942 Rommel is defeated at the battle of El Alamein (passengers for city change at Camberwell. Little local reference there. Sorry). Japanese advance is halted by American forces, making use of hamburger bombers, in the Coral Sea and off Midway. 1943 German forces in Africa surrender to the might of Allied spam. Ummm.. is that VA day then? The Allies overcome hot salami bombardment, and invade Italy, but Mussolini escapes. 1944 The Russians push the Germans out of Russia using high-powered Borscht, and advance into Europe. Meanwhile, the Western allies, led by Eisenhower, land in Normandy, and sweep across France. Meanwhile meanwhile, a group of German officers try to assassinate One Ball, about 20 years too late. 1945 The Allies invade Germany from the west, the Russians from the east. One Ball commits suicide as Russian piroshkis enter Berlin, rather than surrender and undergo an embarrassing genital inspection. Germany surrenders - VE Day, May 8th 1945. 50 years ago today. Pretty neat tie-in, eh? Pure coincidence, I assure you. Japan fights on. Until a couple of nuclear bombs have been dropped on them. They decide to surrender, and take over the world later with consumer goods. VP day. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cast your minds back to Easter, and TCWF 245. If you want to see the creepy building I was talking about for yourself, and you're on the Web, point your Webby pointer at: http://werple.mira.net.au/~lori/tcwf/a-building.gif ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Most Toxic Custard back-issues are available at: ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard and on the being revamped World Wide Web at: http://www.forthnet.gr/humour/tcwfhtml2/main.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1995 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed without profit provided no modifications are made. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia. Help yourself to a Fosters'.----------- Work: bowed@cpgen.cpsg.com.au---> Computer Power Education, ITS R&D Project Play: dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu-----> TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu---------------- The opinions expressed here are mine. Anyone wanna buy them?--------------- "Hey, you'd better watch out - I have friends in high places." - the favourite saying of Martin Snider, cleaner, NASA control centre. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Newborn Toxic Custard" ^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^ ^^ ^^ ^^^^^^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^ ^^ ^^ Toxic Custard Workshop Files ^^ ^^ ^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^ Number 249. 15th May 1995 ^^ ^^^^^^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ A bit late, but that's life This Toxic Custard will be severely shut cort, I mean cut short, due to a birth in the family. Isaac Dennis Bowen was born on Monday night, Australian time. For full details (plus pictures!) point your World-Wide-Webby-Pointer at: http://werple.mira.net.au/~lori/isaac.html The next TCWF will be next week. Until then, here's what I wrote on Sunday night, not expecting the birth to happen before TCWF249 went out. - - - Okay, it's Sunday night. I spurn the Eurovision Song Contest and pump up the Led Zeppelin. I wipe the screen with my promotional DHL static wipe thing, and sit down at the keyboard. But am I inspired? To be honest, no. Actually, it's lucky that I made it. With the baby almost overdue(*), it's impossible to plan beyond the next ten minutes. Sure, I planned to do the drying-up, take a quick visit into bogland, and then come and write this. But at any minute, the scheduled program could be cancelled, and the 1995 Home To Hospital Dash could be on. (*) Depending on what date estimate you believe. I didn't think that nervousness about the imminent arrival was affecting me. Until last Tuesday night, when I entered the bathroom. The plan: to brush my teeth. The execution: Pick up the shaver, turn it on, start shaving. Hmmm. I was halfway through shaving when my wife asked: "What are you doing?" I stopped. I turned it off. And stared at it. I think I'm going out of my mind. So anyway, no, the baby hasn't arrived yet. And no amount of shouting "Isaac! Get down here!" has worked yet. I guess it's like waiting for a bus. You know it's going to appear eventually. You're just not sure exactly when. - - - ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A full length TCWF (including a full birth report, naturally!) next week. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Most Toxic Custard back-issues are available at: ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard and on the about to be revamped World Wide Web at: http://www.forthnet.gr/humour/tcwfhtml2/main.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1995 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed without profit provided no modifications are made. -- Daniel Bowen, New Dad, Melbourne, Australia, in a really good mood--------- Work: EMAIL TEMPORARILY DISRUPTED Computer Power Education, ITS R&D Project Play: dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu-----> TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu---------------- The opinions expressed here blah blah blah, you know how it goes----------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "The Toxic Custard Machine" ___ ____ ___ TOXIC CUSTARD ___| |____ | | Number 250, yipee, celebrate WORKSHOP FILES |____ ____| |___| hooray etc. 22nd May 1995 Okay, I know you've all been waiting to hear about this. Well okay, so a few of you have shown a passing interest. All right, so one person asked when it happened. Here's the birth report. I'm not completely knowledgable on all the correct terminology, so forgive me if it sounds a little muddled. It all started on Monday morning, around 1am, when Lori's contraptions started getting strong. Yes, the utensil was contrapting. By 10am they were getting regular, so we called the hospital. They said to go in, so we did. The cab driver looked very relieved that the waters didn't smash during the ride, leaving antibiotic fluid all over his seats. Especially when he drove through the Burke Road roadworks. Bump bump bump... The nurse used a monitor to measure the heartbeat of the feet. The contraptions continued, and a doctor came around just after 1pm, and said the cervix was 4cm dilapidated. To get things moving, the doctor burst the mum's brains, and labour began in earnest. Once the cervix was fully dilapidated, pushing began. With the help of two midwives (a good cop/bad cop team if ever I met one), as each contraption came, Lori pushed for all she was worth. I haven't seen anyone that sweaty since the Hard Yakka overalls commercial. After a while we thought we could see the top of the head, and sure enough, a few contraptions later, the head came out. Following the head, the rest of the baby, with the umbrella cord, which I got to cut. Lucky they had left-handed scissors handy. They gave baby Isaac (it means "he laughs") a little oxygen to get the blue blood out of his cheeks. Then the placemat (or afterburn) arrived, looking red and horrible. We made sure we got a picture of it, just to shock the chemist. And the celebrations commenced. You can still find the results of all this at http://werple.mira.net.au/~lori/isaac.html (NB. Need to investigate the possibility that a midwife with personal odour problems is called a midwiffy.) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - They often say that life doesn't come with an instruction manual. I discovered during the birth that this is not entirely true. Attached to the placenta was the following leaflet: CONGRATULATIONS on the delivery of your new BABY-1000 CRYING MACHINE. The BABY-1000 is programmed to be easy to use and care for. Use this chart as a guide to how to operate your BABY. Basic interaction with your BABY-1000 is highlighted in CAPITAL LETTERS: .----> Sleeps ---> Wets nappy ----> Cries ---> CHANGE NAPPY | | | | | ,----------------------------' | | | | v v | Wants feed----> Cries ------> FEED | | `-------------------------------------' Additional interaction can take place, such as talking to the BABY-1000, gazing at it lovingly, and swapping stories with other owners of the BABY-1000. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - TOXIC HISTORY OF THE WORLD Part 44. Nearly almost finished. 1946 AD Almost nothing happens. By December, the United Nations is calling for an international investigation into why 1946 has been so boring. 1948 AD Russian government representatives visit a combined metalwork/ manchester warehouse outside Kiev, and are inspired to introduce the Iron Curtain. What's different about this curtain is that it doesn't bend back to let the sunlight in. The state of Israel is proclaimed. Proclaimed what? "I hereby proclaim that the state of Israel is... ummm..." Oh, proclaimed to exist? Okay. 1949 The USA, Canada, and ten western European countries defy advice to use a TLA, and instead form NATO, the Neat Army Tricks Organisation. Meanwhile, the Communist Chinese People's Republic is set up... in... umm... China! 1950-3 The Korean war, a conflict actually dating back to a family feud from the sixth century, when an argument about trading a goat got out of hand. 1954 A bunch of countries get together for another one of their "organisations whose acronyms end in 'ATO'". This one, SEATO, is so named because the seats in the building where the official naming ceremony is held are far too uncomfortable. 1957 Russia launches the first man-made satellite, Spudnik I, broadcasting Spudnik TV (Soviet Potato Television) to homes all over the Soviet state. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Most Toxic Custard back-issues are available at: ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard and on the being revamped World Wide Web at: http://www.forthnet.gr/humour/tcwfhtml2/main.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1995 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed without profit provided no modifications are made. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia. Have a drink on me. Actually, maybe not Work: Email missing, presumed down-->Computer Power Education, ITS R&D Proj Play: dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu-----> TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu---------------- All the opinions here are guess whose.... Mine, that's right!-------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ the Toxic Custard Workshop Files by Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia Copyright (c) 1995 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed without profit provided this notice remains intact. For subscription and back-issue information, contact tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu