**************************************************************************** ### # # ### ##### ## # # # ## ## # # ### ##### ## ### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### # # # # # # # # # ## # #### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### # ## # # # ## ## ## ### # # # # # ### ____________________________________________________________________________ # # ### #### # # #### # # ### #### ##### # # ##### #### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### ### ##### # # #### ##### # # ##### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### ### # # # # #### # # ### # # # ##### ##### #### *******NUMBERS 321 TO 325*****************************BY DANIEL BOWEN******* *****Please note, some of the quoted addresses within this file may no***** ***longer be correct. Please email info@toxiccustard.com for information.*** "The most Toxic Custard in the universe" ==== ___ / __| . Toxic Custard Workshop Files \ |___ | Number 321, 18th November 1996 ==== . . . . . . . . Written by Daniel Bowen . . . . . . . . . . . . Well, the questions about Australia have been flooding in... so let's kick off with some of them. I've also decided on a title for this column and its accompanying Web page... THE TOXIC CUSTARD GUIDE TO AUSTRALIA Pretty weak in terms of the wacky zany stakes, but it'll do for the moment. A few others were considered, mostly puns on "real" travel guides, such as "Lonely Custard". And so, to this week's questions. Someone who would prefer to remain anonymous wrote: Does anyone really enjoy eating Vegemite? Do you all eat it as some form of self-abuse? Vegemite is a black gooey substance made from malt extract. It was invented in the 1920s by someone trying to think of something to do with all the leftovers from making vast quantities of beer. Nowadays, Vegemite is used as a test to see how much visiting tourists will stand in their quest to immerse themselves in the local culture. If a tourist can get through a slice of toast with the Vegemite caked on top, all the Australians in the room will applaud and give that person all their money. Of course, this has never actually happened. Australians do eat Vegemite. And although the tourism promotion people will be after me for this, I will reveal the secret of proper Vegemite consumption: we eat it in very, very, very, very, very small doses. The gram ratio of Vegemite to other food being consumed should be in the order of one to several billion. It should be barely noticeable. When consumed properly, one jar of Vegemite can last several generations. Dave, from Detroit writes: I was wondering if Foster's (Australian Lager), was really big in Australia? The reason I ask anyways is because Corona is supposed to be some huge Mexican beer, but in Mexico the people hate it. Well Dave, it's reasonably big, though in my personal opinion it tastes like complete koalas' piss. Mind you, the Foster's available in the USA is actually made in Toronto, so I wouldn't swear that it tastes the same overseas as here. I generally prefer a Coldie (Carlton Cold), Toohey's Blue, XXXX, even a VB in an emergency. Anything but a Foster's, please. But each to his own. My wife prefers the fine flavour of Invalid Stout. David, somewhere in Australia, writes: Why do Sydney and Melbourne continually fight one another? The rivalry between Sydney and Melbourne goes back close to 150 years, and continues to this day, with citizens of each cheerfully pointing out the detractions of the other. At first I thought just because I live in Melbourne that I wouldn't be able to answer this question impartially. But after some consideration, I think it's perfectly possible for someone who has happily lived in Melbourne for most of his life to weigh up the arguments, examine the evidence, and come up with a completely fair and honest answer. Basically, it's because Sydneysiders won't admit that Sydney is a complete dump. Keep the questions coming... more next week. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I see the Russian space program has reached new depths. For a while it looked like their rocket was going to crash in Australia. Thanks very bloody much guys, well done! Apparently now the Cold War is over we're no longer under threat of nuclear annihilation, now it's rockets falling out of the sky instead. Oh yeah, it only had a *little bit* of plutonium (a.k.a. the most toxic substance in the universe) in it. Great. But they told us not to worry about the plutonium. It probably wouldn't burst out of its battery packs. Oh come on, who are they kidding? Everybody knows on any piece of equipment, be it Walkman, toy car or Mars probe, the first thing that breaks or gets lost is always the cover holding the batteries in. And even if we didn't need to worry about the plutonium, how about the fact that twenty tonnes of rocket was about to come crashing out of the sky? In the end, due entirely to the luck of so much of the Earth's surface being covered in water, the rocket plunged into the Pacific Ocean. Suddenly the big Web-based news services (such as CNN and MSNBC) started reporting it as having "landed", like it glided down calmly, put out the parachutes and the landing wheels and gracefully touched down on the surface of the water. Landed?! How about "arrived" or "sploshed", or "kerplunked"? I'm sure it would have been "crashed" if it had hit something important. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Microsoft and Netscape announced today they would going to court to resolve an issue that has rocked the very foundation of their race to dominate the fast growing Internet market. In the past, Netscape has announced products with such codenames as "Mozilla", "Atlas", "Galileo"... Microsoft has announced products such as "Normandy", "Outlook", "Nashville" and "Falcon". But last Monday both companies announced completely different products which, by a quirk of fate, have the same codename: "Hippo". They immediately dragged each other into court to settle the matter. Both companies have also rushed to lodge trademarks and register Internet domain names for all remaining animal, mythological and place names in the English language. Meanwhile, Microsoft has announced Windows CE, a cut-down version of Windows that will be able to be used in consumer electronics. Does this mean I'll have to get a RAM upgrade for the VCR? Personally, I can't wait until my toaster GPFs or my mobile phone gives me the "blue screen of death". "To complete this change, your microwave oven must restart. Please remove all food and press OK to continue." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The World Wide Web is the ultimate information resource. On it you can find the sum of the world's research and knowledge, from disease to sociology to chemistry to geography. Or you can read Toxic Custard. http://www.highway1.com.au/tcwf/ (Melbourne mirror down this week.) For subscription requests, changes, removals, comments, insults, abuse, suggestions, drop us a line at tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.tcwf.rucc.net.au - is copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia---------------Actually I quite like Sydney Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au---> Advance Training Technology Pty Ltd-------------- Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu----TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu Woofer - part of loudspeaker for dog sounds. Tweeter - part for bird sounds.. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Jackpot! Toxic Custard!" TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES http://www.tcwf.rucc.net.au Number 322, 25th November 1996 written by Daniel Bowen --------------------------------------------------------------------- I think I've hit the jackpot. Just about every morning I walk to work from South Yarra Station, a location frequented in the peak hours by the Yuppies who live there and catch trains to the city, hordes of kids heading for a multitude of schools, and people who work nearby, like me. In the past five days, on no less than *three* occasions, free samples of various products have been handed out at South Yarra Station. In fact, I didn't go through there three times last week, so the hit rate was three out of seven; there may have been more that I missed out on. Let's hope the advertisers have got together with The Met and decided South Yarra has their perfect demographic. If various companies want to throw their free samples of So Good, various phone company propaganda (but the free pen will be handy) and shower gel in my direction, then so be it. I'll put up with that. (PS. Nothing on Monday. I'm disappointed, but hopeful.) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - During this week the leader of the free world, the man who has become a spokesman of a generation, has been gracing Australia with his presence. Yes, Michael Jackson is in town. Not that you'd notice if you weren't paying attention - he's only been on the news every day this week. What with getting married, having that ten metre high statue of himself put up in various cities (why doesn't it actually look like him?) and appearing to adoring fans (admit it, it could be anyone behind that mask), the Sony publicity machine must have been really earning their money this week. Of a lesser significance visiting Australia this week were The Clintons - at least, half of them, Socks and Chelsea had to stay home. I'd swear I spotted Elle McFeast having a word to Bill in the crowd in Sydney, hopefully the ABC has the footage in their hot little hands. Actually this means that we've been within a few feet of someone who has been within a few feet of the President - we saw McFeast (aka Lisbeth Gorr) shopping in Malvern a few weeks ago. Ah, just a gnat's wing away from meeting the megafamous. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE TOXIC CUSTARD GUIDE TO AUSTRALIA The Web site, featuring all the questions and answered published and a form to fill in new ones will be up next week, I promise! In the mean time, here's a bunch more questions... Gavin wrote (and a couple of other people kinda asked): Why do people get so excited over the soap "Neighbours"? For those of you who have never heard of "Neighbours", good for you. It's a daily soapie made here in Melbourne, which for some unfathomable reason is one of the most popular TV programmes in Britain. Nobody, but nobody in Australia knows why. But we're glad it is so popular, because every year more of the alleged actors who are on it go over to Britain to make their fortune. And we usually never hear of them again. "Neighbours" and its rival soap "Home And Away" are both curiosities in Australia because hardly anybody watches them, but channels Ten and Seven keep churning out the episodes because they sell so well overseas. Greg (not *you* Greg, this other Greg, over here), somewhere in the United States, cheerfully writes: I understand that Aussies are required by law to vote, and fined if they don't. How much is the fine? Yes, Australians are required by law to vote, although exceptions are made if you really can't, for instance if you've been stuck two years overseas in a jungle somewhere in deepest South America unable to move because there's one of those huge snakes wrapped completely around your body trying to strangle you, and anyway you didn't even know there was an election, honest Your Honour. The fine is about fifty dollars. According to recent newspaper reports, around thirty people decided they hated democracy so much that not only did they not vote, they preferred to spend time in jail rather than pay the fine. I hope they all had a really miserable time. Alex of Cleveland, USA wrote: I am considering moving to Melbourne to pursue a career interest. What wonderful things will I experience in your fair city...? Alas, many of the sights mentioned in the Tour Of Melbourne way back in TCWF 147 are no longer around. (The odd thin woman is still around, but she's odder than ever, and she's got a new coat.) There's still plenty to see... GAZE AMAZED at the humungous Crown Casino construction site and wonder if they'll really solve all those hassles with the foundations, or will it just roll over and sink into the swamp one day with a full load of gamblers on board? TRY and work out if they had put the ten metre Michael Jackson statue in the city square, would it be taller or shorter than the Burke and Wills statue? CHECK OUT the very groovy decorations on the RMIT buildings at the top of Swanston Street! COUNT the number of not-quite-working-yet ticket machines at city loop railway stations! SPOT the men surreptitiously entering or leaving the porno cinemas! WORK OUT just how many Mcdonalds they can fit into the CBD! GUESS how sick the shop assistants in Melbourne Central are of that big Waltzing Matilda clock that goes off every hour, on the hour, seven days a week! CLIMB to the top of the bit of the library sticking out of the ground outside the Museum! SQUEEZE your way onto a southbound St Kilda Road tram during the morning peak hour (if you can!) and finally... ATTEMPT to visit every one of the three hundred million Sunday arts and crafts markets within a ten kilometre radius of the City on a single day! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Toxic Custard's Web page is at http://www.tcwf.rucc.net.au That was your first and only warning. For subscription requests, changes, removals, comments, insults, abuse, suggestions, drop us a line at tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.tcwf.rucc.net.au - is copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia-----------------Where "Neighbours" is made Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au---> Advance Training Technology Pty Ltd-------------- Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu----TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Toxic Custard sells out" Due to illness (ie mine, the author's, I'm still feeling pretty queasy after a bout of food poisoning over the weekend... in fact the past 36 hours you wouldn't believe the amount of vomit... hey, you don't really want to read all this, do you...), there will be no Toxic Custard this week. However, there is some special news that might interest you. Toxic Custard's Web address has moved yet again. You're going to like this... the new home page of Toxic Custard is... wait for it... http://www.toxiccustard.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For an automated reply about how to subscribe and unsubscribe to Toxic Custard, send any mail to info@toxiccustard.com Feedback, comments, abuse etc? Send mail to feedback@toxiccustard.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia------------------------------------------- Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au---> Advance Training Technology Pty Ltd-------------- Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / TCWF: info@toxiccustard.com ---------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "My week with Toxic Custard" -=====---====----= =--------====----------------------------------- = = = = = http://www.toxiccustard.com =oxic =ustard = = =orkshop ===iles Number 323, 9th December 1996 = ==== ===== = Written by Daniel Bowen Have you visited the new Toxic Custard Web site yet? Maybe you can't remember the address? Well, if that's the case you'd better get your brain seen to, because it couldn't be much easier to remember. www.toxiccustard.com At this point, a big THANK YOU to those who have donated server space for the various luxurious Web homes that Toxic Custard has inhabited over the last couple of years: * Angelos and Stavros at Forthnet, in Greece * Andrew Mitchell, (formerly) of RUCC, in Melbourne * Ken Taylor of Highway1 in Perth * Brian "Bex" Exelbierd of NCSU CATT in the USA Ultimately four mirrors was too much to manage, and I had a hankering for a nice, easy to remember address, even if I had to pay for it myself (hence the advertising on the new site). So if you like the cool address, visit often and explore widely, 'cos if it doesn't pay for itself I might have to go slinking back with my tail between my legs to one of the above kind people who know I'll never forget their generosity and kindness! By the way, don't go bothering the good people at www.tcwf.org for Toxic Custard. That's The California Wellness Foundation, and I don't think they've ever heard of *this* TCWF. New this week on the TCWF Web site, A TOXIC CUSTARD CHRISTMAS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - MY WEEK It's been a funny week, a week of mixed fortunes. For me it began still sick from food poisoning (bad eggs, naughty eggs!). That's the last time I buy those Salmonella Brand products. After putting it off for three days, I eventually did go to the doctor around the corner, though I must have looked a right pillock walking in with my "safety device", a plastic salad bowl well suited to (although not specifically designed for) preventing the fall of vomit onto carpet. It has been pointed out to me that an easily foldable plastic bag would have done the job, but that didn't occur to me at the time. I was back to work by Wednesday and discovered the next day that I had won a Christmas hamper in a raffle - which I hadn't even paid my friend for the tickets in yet. This is not quite as dodgy as my boss, who won the Cup Sweep last month without even knowing she was in it. At least I knew I had obligated myself to buy tickets in this one. On Saturday we went to a wedding. It was the wedding of two of my former colleagues, something which they both managed to keep relatively quiet during the time they worked together. I was one of the first to know when the news broke in October, so I've had the pleasure of watching other people's stunned expressions when they found out. Probably similar to my own, when I found out. Unfortunately, our attendance at the wedding didn't go completely to plan. This was due to something that most parents know of as the Toddler Factor. This is where a toddler, when he doesn't want to be somewhere, can make sure everybody is fully aware of this fact. This is not a problem in a loud place, but in a quiet church with just a few dozen present, it is not a good thing. So, rather than ruin someone else's wedding day by causing a disturbance we bailed out early, leaving our present and best wishes with someone else. (Well, it didn't seem appropriate to interrupt proceedings to say "excuse me Father, Alex, Mick, we're just sneaking out now... Catch you later.") On Sunday I found myself marching against racism - because everyone, no matter who they are, of any race, creed or colour, has the right to call Pauline Hanson an idiot. As usual, the estimates of how many people turned up varied widely, somewhere between twenty and sixty thousand. Why can't someone come up with a reliable people-counting device? The left wing extremists turned up of course, attempting to sell their copies of Socialist Worker and proving to everyone they have the loudest megaphones. They would probably be deeply unhappy with the number of marchers who stopped off at McDonald's before, during or after the march. The one thing you have to look out for is the TV cameras, so you can try and catch yourself on the evenings news. You're unlikely to see yourself in any helicopter shots, but you're always in with a chance for the shots taken from amongst the crowd. (Me? 2.4 seconds on SBS news.) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE TOXIC CUSTARD GUIDE TO AUSTRALIA http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ Gavin wrote: You are really all convicts, aren't you? :-) Anybody in Australia who claims to be descended from the first white settlers is almost certainly lying. The influx of people into Australia since convict transportation ended has been immense. Experts with long names, bushy eyebrows and unfashionable clothing estimate that there are now only three people in the seventeen million population who are actually directly descended from convicts. I think one of them is Pauline Hanson. I can just see the mail coming in now that asks: Who is this Pauline Hanson you keep raving on about? She's just another loudmouthed racist with a chip on her shoulder, the difference being that she's somehow managed to get herself elected into federal parliament. Fiona of Florida, USA wrote: Considering how many bizarre animals live in Australia, do you ever wonder whether maybe aliens are aiming *weird space rays* at you as part of an ongoing DNA-evolution experiment? It's a theory, but when you think about it, the animals in Australia are no weirder than those found in other parts of the world. Okay, so we have the kangaroo, emu, wombat and koala, but let's not forget the elephant, armadillo, hippopotamus, aardvark, llama or that king of weirdness, the giraffe! Speaking of animals, Kippi, from Delaware, USA wrote CBS News did a story this morning about the controversy surrounding the consumption of kangaroos (YUK!) as a kind of "new" delicacy. They're such cute creatures, and they are one of Australia's national symbols, right? What is your opinion? Delicious. To ask your question about Australia, reply to this message, or send mail to feedback@toxiccustard.com or visit the Web page, http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Toxic Custard's Web page is at http://www.toxiccustard.com NEW THIS WEEK! A Toxic Custard Christmas - your complete guide to the season! For subscription requests, changes, removals, etc, I was going to set up a really neato automated system, but it didn't work, so just sent mail to request@toxiccustard.com instead. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia------------------------------------------- Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au---> Advance Training Technology Pty Ltd-------------- Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / TCWF: info@toxiccustard.com ---------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Musical Toxic Custard" TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES http://www.toxiccustard.com by Daniel Bowen Number 324, 16th December 1996 --------------------------------------------------------------------- What's going on in the music industry? No, I'm not talking about Michael Jackson's skin or Prince/Victor/Love Symbol/TAFKAP's latest record deal. I'm talking about image. Watching Rage of a Saturday morning (as you do), one could be forgiven for thinking the music industry has turned upside down. Look, if you will, at the evidence: - Sheryl Crow has gone nasty. Her whole new look reeks of capital S Slag. Her new song features the lyrics "not the kind of girl you take home"... quite a change there, since she used to be *exactly* the kind of girl you'd take home. - Metallica, they of the tight jeans, black T-shirts and hair everywhere brigade... have got nice! We're talking acoustic... we're talking tidy facial hair... we're talking IN THE CHARTS! Maybe it's role reversal. Maybe every few years they take the roles off every musician and pick them out of a hat. Sheryl and Bryan Adams get scruffydom, Metallica gets unplugged, TAFKAP gets cabaret, and a succession of what I call Young Men's Harmony Groups get... well... Young Men's Harmony, and yet more video clips of them singing in alleyways surrounded by high fences. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - It must be very awkward organising big family get togethers. In any large family, there's always going to be someone who doesn't like someone else. And if there's people from outside the family, there'll be some who know hardly anybody. Perhaps you need to go through the guest list and categorise everybody so you know where they all need to sit: 1 - Doesn't know anybody, will be equally lonely sitting with anybody. Just don't sit with anybody who has a known difference of opinion on a topic fundamentally important to this person. 2 - Really likes/only knows person X. Should sit nearby X otherwise will be disturbing everybody else trying to talk to them all night. 3 - Gets along with X, doesn't know anyone else. Should sit with X. 4 - Gets along with absolutely everybody, no matter how unpleasant. Sit anywhere that nobody else can be seated. 5 - Isn't speaking to X. Don't sit together, they'll embarrass everybody else by ignoring each other. 6 - Major disagreement with X. Don't sit nearby to each other, to avoid heated arguments. 7 - Previous physical violence with X. If possible don't invite one or the other, otherwise place at opposite ends of a large room, with impenetrable force-field between them, to avoid having to call emergency services. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE TOXIC CUSTARD GUIDE TO AUSTRALIA http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ Greg Bulmash, author of one of the funniest e-zines around (apart from this one, of course) wrote to say he'd like everyone to visit his site (http://www.javabooks.net/~gbhp, there you go Greg, was that a blatant enough plug for you?) and to ask the following question: Australians have a fascination with having things big, drink a lot of beer, talk funny, and are fiercely proud. With all those qualities, do you feel a strong kinship with Texas? To take your points one by one: Certainly we Australians like things big. Why else, for example, would we have Uluru (aka Ayer's Rock)? It's the biggest single rock in the world. In fact, only in Australia could we get planning permission to build it. Just about anywhere else in the world (with the possible exception of Texas), the consortium of Dreamtime spirits that built Uluru would have been told, "Are you crazy?! A thing that size? That's bigger than Bill Gates' house! Where are we going to put it?" And yes, Australians do drink a lot of beer. In fact, every year Australians drink 453.8 litres of alcohol per man, woman and child. And that's not an average. Australians don't talk funny. Everybody else does, but that's their problem. Most Australians put up with this, and very kindly correct other people's errors. And certainly, Australians are proud because AUSTRALIA'S THE BEST DAMN COUNTRY IN THE WORLD! Finally, in answer to your question: No, not really. To ask your question about Australia, reply to this message, or send mail to feedback@toxiccustard.com or visit the Web page, http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Toxic Custard's Web page is at http://www.toxiccustard.com (Yes, I admit it, the server's in Florida.) NEW(ish)! A Toxic Custard Christmas - your complete guide to the season! Visit now and you could very well be the TEN THOUSANDTH VISITOR! Wow! Wouldn't that be something you could tell your grandkids! For subscription requests, changes, removals, etc, I was going to set up a really neato automated system. But it didn't work, so just send mail to request@toxiccustard.com instead. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia ------------------------------------------ Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au---> Advance Training Technology Pty Ltd-------------- Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / TCWF: info@toxiccustard.com ---------------------- Australia! Home of the silliest looking animals on the planet! -------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "The Shorter Toxic Custard" # ### Toxic Custard Written by Daniel Bowen ##### Workshop Files Number 325 | www.toxiccustard.com Slightly early, 22nd December 1996 XXX Toxic Custard is a day or so early this week, and a little on the short side, 'cos tomorrow morning we're off for a short Christmassy holiday down the coast somewhere to somewhere sandy, beachy, and hopefully very very relaxing. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Now let's get this clear: I like C/Net. It's good stuff. And now they even show C/Net Central in Australia. Okay, so it's on Saturday morning (at least in this state) when I'm not usually home and half the time I forget to tape it, but when I do catch it, it's not a bad little show. But what is this obsession for C/Net opening more and more web sites, each with its own domain name? First there was cnet.com. Fair enough. Then search.com and shareware.com. Okay. news.com, yeah, only covers technology news, but that's not bad. download.com - uuhhhh, hold on, what's the difference between this and shareware.com? gamecenter.com, tv.com - I think this may be getting a little out of hand... activex.com, buydirect.com and what's this new one?! mediadome.com?! What on Earth is that meant to be?! Call me crazy, but are they just registering every domain name they think of that might have a catchy ring to it, just because they can? What next, siliconchips.com, ramupgrade.com, clickthemouse.com, dragndrop.com?? I think it's gone a bit too far. What's the world coming to when people can register any silly old domain name they want, like... ummm... toxiccustard.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE TOXIC CUSTARD GUIDE TO AUSTRALIA http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ Sunita Bhatia, of Delaware, U.S.A. wrote a very timely question, which is: In the U.S.A. the Christmas and New Year cards all have wintery scenes or trains or snowy decorated trees in the middle of forests with presents underneath for the woodchucks and deer. What pictures are on the Christmas and New Year cards in Australia? Christmas in Australia is something of an oddity. While the bulk of the songs talk about reindeer, sleds and snow, most of the country is enjoying warm to hot to extremely-hot-gee-I-wish-my-shorts-were- air-conditioned weather. For the most part, we still get all the same snowy songs, snowy TV specials and snowy Christmas cards. However, there are increasing numbers of Christmas cards which have an Australian twist to their pictorial content. A few days ago I remembered I hadn't sent any cards to my friends yet, including some who had already sent me cards - so I had to send one back out of embarrassment. So I picked up a packet of cards, which featured Santa in various Australian settings, such as down the beach with a surf-board under his arm, patting various cliched local animals, enjoying an ice-cream, that sort of thing. After a while they get a bit tiresome, but they always keep the northern hemisphere relatives amused. When I was a kid, some seriously deranged friends swore blind that in Australia, Father Christmas uses a milk van to deliver the presents, since the sleigh wouldn't work quite so well. I don't remember if this theory included the flying reindeer or not. On the subject of cards, here's my Christmas advice to you: when you buy packs of cards and have some left over, make sure next year you don't send anybody the same card again. You never know, they might remember. If they're really sneaky, they might even keep them and compare next year. To ask your question about Australia, reply to this message, or send mail to feedback@toxiccustard.com or visit the Web page, http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Toxic Custard's Web page is at http://www.toxiccustard.com There's back issues, features, and even desktop wallpaper to download and email to all your friends as Christmas presents! For subscription requests, changes, removals, etc, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com but don't expect an answer before the end of the week. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia ------------------------------------------ Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au---> Advance Training Technology Pty Ltd-------------- Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / TCWF: info@toxiccustard.com ---------------------- Hope you have a great, sunny, warm and balmy Christmas, wherever you may be.- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is Copyright (c) 1996, 1997 Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. For subscription and back-issue information, send email to info@toxiccustard.com