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TCWF Toxic Custarpedia

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Thing what we all connumicate by. There are many languages in the world, and many variations within each. And then there is "good" language and "bad" language. If anyone tells you to stop your bad language, just be sure to instruct them to go fuck themselves.


One of them means how far north or south; the other means how far east or west. But I'm buggered if I can remember which is which.


To emit explosive inarticulate sounds of the voice. So now you know. Personally, I try to ensure my inarticulate sounds never explode as they leave my mouth, otherwise they might catch fire to something.


Where socks make their escape from your possession. In any pair of socks, one will volunteer to stay behind to detract attention from the other one escaping. The remaining sock will remain in your possession in the vain hope that the other one will reappear one day. Which is about as likely as a sunny Boxing Day.


That part of the tree that makes it look green during summer, turns brown during autumn, falls off the tree during winter, and blocks your drain causing your house to flood during spring.


Thoroughly nasty little disease. Never caught by the better people, of course. Leprosy, like many diseases, is now known to be contagious only to those of a lesser income. Social status is the best protection against most diseases.

"Now look here my good man, you can't possibly infect me, I'm head of the sitting commitee on Ant Herds!"


Device designed primarily to unnerve you by pretending to be slightly defective whilst transporting you up and down buildings. This can be done by a number of methods, including taking what seems like minutes to decide whether to open the doors or not, displaying the wrong floor number, jamming people's arms in the doors, and spreading rumours of the occasional 8 floor free-fall.

Little sister

Noisy person who generally annoys you. But take heart: One day, she and you will move away, and you'll only have to put up with her at Christmas.


In televisual terms, "live" has a very flexible meaning. When the epitaph "live" is used, it can either mean:

(a) this is happening right this instant

(b) this happened about 7 seconds ago, and we were worried about the performers saying "oh fuckin' marvellous, yeah! I feel fuckin' great!"

or (c) this happened sometime during the last 60 years, but between when it did happen and now, we didn't edit the tape, honest. No overdubbing or miming either, unless it was a Kylie Minogue concert.

Since (b), let alone (a) rarely happen, one day a television consumers' group will take a court action, and the word will, within television, fall into disuse.


What many people achieve in their stereo system while aspiring to reach hi-fi. It doesn't bother people very much, because fidelity is very difficult to measure in the field of sound reproduction.(*) Most people actually reach that stage loosely defined as medium-fi without too much trouble. A bit like reaching Distinction level at University, and being just that close from reaching High Distinction. But then, only nerds work that hard anyway. It's nothing to be ashamed about. I actually only ever got one HD at University. And that was just by accident. Anyway, it was a computer course; HD meant Hard Disk.

(*) Unlike in marriage, where seventy years without so much as a glance at someone else is definitely high-fidelity. I'll leave the definition of low-fidelity up to you.


Another one of those things you learn about in high school which, unless you take up engineering, your mind has disposed of by the time you reach 21.

See also: Integration, LogLog


Logarithm of a logarithm. The type of thing that your mind disposes of just after the exam in which you needed to know it.

See Also: Cobol


One of those words commonly found with the words "naked", "sex", "scandal" and "throbbing" in the gossip pages of lesser journals.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Appendices

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