This web site is no longer being actively updated. More information.
TCWF Toxic Custarpedia

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Appendices


An object of evil. It was devised by the evil Count Pierre deNeedle, one of those French bastards who wore a top hat and was always tying maidens to railway tracks in deserted black-and-white valleys, and setting off nuclear bombs on peaceful Pacific islands. The needle was designed for two purposes:


One of those people you occasionally smile at when walking down the street, but rarely develop such a bond with that they are concerned when your burglar alarm goes off when you're on holiday.

Not to be confused with Neighbours, which is Australia's revenge on Britain for constant royal tours.


One of those really small beasties that annoys little kids because they're too small to step on. I dunno though - if you were flying along and got caught in the downward air-draught of a descending foot, it'd do serious damage, wouldn't it?


That time of day when it isn't. Night is generally recognised by an overall lack of light, and the sudden manifestation of strange noises which feed paranoia.

NLQ (Near Letter-Quality)

Euphemism in the field of computer printers. When the salesman says "yes sir or madam, this printer here offers Near-Letter-Quality printing" they actually mean "what, you're too stingy to shell out on a laser printer? Why not just write it all out by hand? Don't want to invest in the pencils? You scumbag."

Nobody, Mr

Semi-mythical person whom I was always told would come to clean my room. But he never did.


Outlet located in the middle of the face. Used for smelling, breathing, and the output of extraneous waste. Beats me why snot couldn't have exited through the arse like most of the other waste coming out of the body. Perhaps it was more economically viable to have a secondary solids outlet. Actually it's just as well that people don't send their other waste through the nose. Then we'd need flushing handkerchiefs. And farts would be much more noticeable.


To think things used to be better than they were.


A large board placed somewhere in the office, where administrative-type people place important notices that no-one ever reads. Also the location of very bad cartoons on the subject of office life, pinned up by the office wag. [See wanker.] 97% of office workers ignore these, and instead find their entertainment in the Gary Larson calendar that at least one person per office has on their desk[*]. This desk will become a focal point for meeting throughout the year, where from will be heard guffaws aplenty[+], except from the person who actually sits at that desk, who will wish that everyone will piss off so they can do some work.

[*] Yes, it's me this year.

[+] Accompanied by cries of "oh isn't he great!" and "how is he so imaginative!" and "Hahaha! Bummer of a birthmark, Hal! That kills me!"


Oh come on, that was months ago, it's pointless dwelling on it now. The word November is actually Latin. Nov means nine, indicating the ninth month, which is due to the guy who made up all the months having a bit of a problem with adding up. Ember is something to do with open fireplaces, which are popular in some parts of the Northern Hemisphere, making the name of this month hemispherist, of course.

Null modem

Another one of those things which sits around on your desk for months, but mysteriously vanishes the day before you need it.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Appendices

Toxic Custard Workshop Files Toxic Custarpedia