Will you get around to learning how to program it?
The new Mitsanyasonic FU1000C-KED Hi-Fi HQ S-VHS PIP NTSC/PAL VCR, with SP and LP, and featuring:
- a 50 key remote control; not a poofy remote with 5 buttons and an LCD, this is a MAN'S remote control. All the power to blow up your video at the press of a button.
- No sissy barcode timer settings, this baby takes 5 hours just to set the clock!
- Tape-munching button for rental tapes you think are a rip-off.
- Digital effects, allowing you to slice off Bill Collins' head and chop up the rest of him on screen.
- Audio dub, for dubbing decent music over your sister's heavy metal music videos.
- Revolutionary "tape vomit" eject system, which propels the tape across the livingroom into your hand.
Congratulations on the purchase of your new Mitsanyasonic 333-FX Gold Model III.
To make using your new appliance much more pleasurable, this manual has been divided into three sections. To determine which section you should read, please answer the following question: Do you know how to program your VCR for timer recording?
Yes Yes, with a little help from the manual What's a VCR? User level: Experts, enthusiasts, Nerds, magazine reviewers User level: Average users User level: People so old they can barely turn the telly on to watch Midday SETTING UP:
Unpack, ensure all pieces enclosed. Plug flagellator into sprocket shift, set romulus converter on. Run diagnostics. Then go for it!
GETTING IT WORKING:
Unpack, and ensure everything on the packing list is included. Check the diagram included to find which pieces plug in where. All the cables are numbered to match the diagram. After everything is plugged it, press the Power switch to on, and then press the Test button on the back. This will do a test to make sure the unit is working. See next page for further instructions.
MAKING IT GO:
Find some scissors to open the box. You know, the BOX. The thing that it came in. What do you mean you left it on the bus? You stupid old..
Ah, found it now have you? Okay. Open the box. Not strong enough?! It's only corrugated cardboard!
<in small font so they can't read it> Stupid old people. They shouldn't let geriatrics buy these things...
- Custard Television
Copyright 1991, 1994, 1997 Daniel Bowen. Originally from TCWF 55, 29/7/1991 and TCWF 196, 25/4/1994