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Toxic Custard Workshop Files[Great Vomits of the 20th Century]

The Grisly Details - Part 7

Middle of the crowd

Love your vomit stories. Here's a true one. I was 17 and seeing The Dead at RFK Stadium in Washington DC. I had drank half a pint of Bacardi 151 on the way to the show mixed in a 1 liter of Pepsi. We got to the show and I met a friend in the lot who sold me two Magnums for 2 bucks. I drank those and found a guy selling phatty Fosters for $3 a can and got one of those. Then I found a guy selling mini Jagermeisters for $3.50. I got two. Then I did a balloon (if you don't know what it is, don't ask). Anyway, I got the swirrls and left my friends and sat down under an overpass in the lot (RFK has two, this was the one that connected the lot to the stadium). Some grungy-ass hippy sat down and asked if I wanted to puff a joint. I said "sure". I puffed with him, then, right after he left, another dude sat down and asked if I wanted to smoke a bowl. I said "sure". I puffed with him and my friends came back and said it was time to go to the show. The crowd was thick and I stood up and vomitted in my mouth, holding it closed with my thumbs. It shot out the sides of my mouth and I let it all go. I had about 50 people cheering as I spewed in the middle of the crowd.

- Skin, USA

Out of a tram door in Warsaw, Poland

So I was staying with some friends of mine in Berlin, and we went to visit some friends of theirs in Warsaw. All of us (the Poles, the Germans, and me) went by train to some town sort of near Warsaw where these other friends of the Poles lived. Once we got there, we started drinking, starting with strong Polish beer, then continuing on with vodka (normally not something I drink, but hey, I was in Poland).

This went on until late and I passed out at some point, then woke up on the floor the next morning feeling rather unwell. First I puked in the kitchen sink, being fairly discreet and cool about it and feeling much better afterwards. Then we all went out and the Poles had a morning beer and the less hardy among us (the Germans and me) had sodas.

We took the train back to Warsaw and I started feeling rougher and rougher. We then went to a punk record sale at some youth center and I endured as well as I could, feeling a strong need for fresh air. I think I puked in the bathroom there, as the Poles then took me to a shop and bought me yoghurt, which was supposed to make me feel better. It didn't.

Then we started riding on these trams because we were going back to the main Warsaw train station to catch the train back to Berlin. This is where things really got ugly. The combination of the rocking of the trams and the kind of oily smell any heavy machinery has was just too much for me. Almost every time the tram stopped I had to lean out the door and hurl, at first the yogurt, then the orange soda, then just stomach acids.

After I did this five or six times we made it to the train station and then onto the train without me puking any more, and after a few more dry heaves on the train I started to feel somewhat human again. All through this, everyone was extremely nice to me, and the Poles weren't even angry that I "decorated" their city, they just kept saying "it's OK, it's OK". One of the worst hangovers I've ever had.

- Sam Larson Berkeley, California

Without warning

ok this is the general idea, at my 18th birthday party in june this year (1999), a friend of mine, conr burton was having a few drinks and talking to another friend, just general chit chat. then with out warning, he threw up, coating his friend in vomit. it was all so sudden that he didn't even have time to run out side. but then following that, he proceeded out side and coated the fence in vomit as well. meanwhile, there was also someone throwing up in the bathtub and a couple in the back yard. when we surveyed the damage next day, they vomit wouldn't come off the fence with the hose, and had to be scrubbed, and some one's had burnt the grass in the back yard.

- James Hanlon, Australia

All over the house

it happened about 18 months ago now. we had a friend who used 2 hang around with us though he was only 13 and a scotsman here for a year with his parents, and whenever we got drunk at my mate's place he wasn't allowed cause my mates parents thought he was to young. so when it came time for him to head back to his distant home we went around to a different mates place who didn't live with his parents and got him totally plastered.

we bought ourselves a carton of red goon, (wine in a box) and a bottle of cheap bourbon and started drinking. as we didn't appreciate the fine flavors of cheap wine we went with the cheap ass bourbon, where as 'ratboy' as he is so honourably remembered, started at the goon, which he quite like for some disturbing reason. after about 2 he was technically drunk but he kept going, and it wasn't until seven full glasses of that shit that we stopped leting him have any.

but by that stage he was rolling around on the floor and chasing the cat, and repeatedly introducing himself to our friends flat mate who had the same first name. anyway, after a while he got rather tired and went to go to sleep in my mates room where we were all stuffing around on the computer. he had been lying down all of about 3 minutes when he all of a sudden sat up, covered his mouth and vomited. and i don't know if u realise, but if u cover your mouth leaving a small gap between your cupped hands, you create a high pressure nozzle for the vomit to travel through. so by doing so he proceeded 2 coat the bed, the wall next to him, the wall behind him, the beside table, a few library books, and the floor in vomit.

he then jumped up to run to the bathroom, throwing up in the door way and the lounge room on the way as everyone evacuated and left me and the guy who lived there to clean up. ratty then showered borrowed sum clothes and prayed to the porcelain god some more before passing out on the bathroom tiles in a pose much like the corpse of kurt cobain. despite the whole thing ratty was glad he had the opportunity 2 drink with us, and was on his way home three days later, parents none the wiser, but his legend lives on.

so if any one out there knows an andrew garthweigh(?) from Aberdeen Scotland, ask him if he has ever been to Australia, and went by the alias "ratboy". if he has, say hi from his mates james, dan, li and duff in australia.

- James Hanlon, Australia

Out of a train window, onto some cars

After seeing your site I decided to submit one hurl I remember from a few years ago.

The Story.....

After travelling into work on the train one morning from home to Perth city I had felt a little strange, but the 30 minute express didn't seem to worry me at all and I made it to the office intact.

It wasn't until around 10:15 that I started to feel ill (some strange stomach bug had started to do it's worse) and so I told the boss I felt ill and that I was going home.

Of course I had not thought about the train home or the fact that it was no longer express service and would take longer. I stepped onto the train and sat down for the trip home.....once across the Swan River the train started to make it's frequent stops, Burswood, etc, and at each stop I started to feel worse.

So at Victoria Park station I quickly got off and ran to the guard at the end of the train and asked if I could continue to travel with him at the end of the train because I needed to get home and I felt sick. He and a relief driver said OK and let me in and then left the door open which I sat-down next to so that the fresh air could make me feel better.

The train left the station and with the wind blowing I did feel better, until the rocked as it started going over a crossing and the stomach decide now or never.....a projectile like burst flew from my mouth and out into the air.....of course I didn't see any of this as my eye's were closed but, the guard and friend told me afterwards...

But there was other evidence that I had just done a personal best.....At the crossing was what looked like a few mothers going shopping and across the two front cars a new covering of vomit.

Three things happened then.....the mothers jumped out of their cars screaming, the guard and relief driver started laughing and I felt much better.

The trip from then on was fine and I must have gotten the stomach bug out onto one of those cars...

Thanks for letting me share this memory from a few years ago.

- Dean Oliffe, Singapore

Deflected off a pillow

i don't need to remain anonymous. i've been holding this in for a long time.

so i'm like 12, and my family is driving from CT up to Maine for a vacation. My dad's driving, my mom's in the passenger seat, and my 4-yr old sister is between my brother and i in back. so my sister, emilie, starts whining that she feels sick, and my mom turns around to comfort her, and she's got this pillow, all like, 'do you want to put your head down and relax?', but emilie's having none of it. she keeps saying pull over, i'm sick, i'm sick, but for *whatever* reason, my mom doesn't have my dad pull over -- i guess she didn't think emilie was going to actually barf.

so anyway, whine whine whine, bla bla bla, it all escalates, emilie's crying, my brother and i are cringing, both thinking, well, emilie's goig to puke on mom. then emilie gets quiet for a minute, we all know what's coming, and she projectile vomits straight ahead towards mom. but (and this is the part i'll never get over) mom has seen this coming, and she's lifted the aforementioned pillow into a precisely-calculated deflector-shield type position, and the full force of emilie's puke is directed straight at me. i get drenched, emilie's crying, my brother is laughing hysterically.

in the end, it was a learning experience for me. i learned that my mom is a loving caring person, but when it comes to getting puked on, she's willing to sacrifice one of her kids to avoid it. that really hurt.

- Henry Quinn, USA

All over the tour group

Many years ago (circa 1982) I was doing the big overseas trip. The first leg of my trip was a looong Insight tour of Europe (for 18-35 yo's) stopping at all the prime tourist locations including Munich. This was fairly early in the tour so we were still getting to know each other. The first night in Munich about half of us went off to a German beer hall for a few quiet ones, then on to a "Student Inn" restaurant, where, your guessed it ... more drinking. By the time I had eaten all this wonderful German sausage and god knows what else, and consumed many beers, it was decided that our table (a round one of about 10 people) would partake of this drinking game.

It was drinking from the "boot", and the big test was not to leave enough in the boot so that the next person could not finish it off (otherwise it was their shout next). Anyway ... blah blah blah ...I , of course had far to much, next turn around it all caught up with me. After a large skull the earth rumbled and the entire contents of my stomach ended up thrown across this large round table, and washed with beer and german sausage, neatly depositing enough on every person to make them hate me for the rest of the tour. Not to mention the tour guide was sitting directly opposite me, and copped the full force of the event.

The rest of the tour was pretty uneventful, but the dry cleaning bill was pretty hefty !!!

- Anonymous, Australia

New Years Eve

It was a warm and windy New Years Eve I had decided to spend it at a party in a scout hall. Well on the way there I had already consumed a 6 pack and a few Ciders. At the scout hall I had a few more drinks, well a bottle of Malibu<eeck> and a few shots of vodka, when someone decided we should trek to the beach.

After the short 2k walk we arrived and drank a bottle of Southern Comfort and a Carton or so of beer. Well the time was getting near so we headed back drinking the remaining alcohol on the way. At the scout hall midnight drew near. After setting fire to the collection of boxes they kept there we broke in the New Year, about 15 minutes after this we all sat down talking in a circle. I started feeling rather nauseous at this moment and tried to stand up, BIG MISTAKE, I slumped back on the ground and gushed forth an evil pond of vomit. Well anyway after I was roused from unconsciousness I stared forth upon a beautiful sight. During my little sleep someone had tried playing Basketball with a beanbag, alas it burst. My pond of vomit was now ringed with little beans and floating gracefully upon it were a few more beans and a couple of gunship corn chips.

- Anonymous, Australia (a different one)

Just a quiet puke while nobody's looking

Just thought I'd mention an interesting vomit I had in Normandy, France in 1998.

I was drinking with some friends at a popular Irish pub in Caen, Normandy after some rugby match (I think it was Wales v France, not much is clearly remembered of the night in question) when I had the sudden urge to take the porcelain bus for a drive. It turned out to be a long trip. I managed to quietly excuse myself from the drunken circle of rugby fans and nonchalantly make my way to the tiny toilet deep in the bowels of the building. For the next twenty minutes various mixtures of six or so pints of Guinness, Caffreys, 1664 and Kronenburg erupted from my mouth, accompanied by the usual groans and watery-eye syndrome. I finally emerged from the cubicle, splashed some water on my face, generally tidied myself up, and walked back out to the bar, thinking I had committed the perfect crime. I walked into an empty, noiseless bar, however, to find one of the barstaff at the front door answering a question from someone outside with a simple, "Il vomit" ("he's throwing up"). While I had been in the toilet the bar had closed and my friends had left, but after realising I was missing had come back to see if I was still at the bar. Apparently the barman had done a quick check of the toilets when closing up, heard me throwing up, and decided to generously and politely leave me be! Who says all French are rude? Needless to say I continued drinking on into the night, refreshed and renewed. A memorable evening if only for that vomit!

- Mark Collins


TCWF - Great Vomits of the 20th Century