TCWF the Toxic Custard Guide to Life in the Office

The Water Cooler


Some people where I work seem to get intimidated by the water cooler. It's one of those ones where if you're not careful when you're refilling it you'll get yourself soaked. It takes practice to get it done without spilling any water, which explains why the carpet around the cooler is so soggy. But there is a foolproof method:

1. Make sure nobody else is around to see you spill water all over yourself if you screw it up (or, if you're feeling really confident, make sure there are lots of people around so you can prove to everyone what an incredible super-human being you are.)

2. Take the empty bottle off the cooler and fling it into the pile of other empty bottles over in the corner, blocking the fire exit.

3. Summon all your strength and H-E-A-V-E the new bottle over near to the water cooler. If some brainiac has placed the bottles a distance from the cooler and you're not feeling particularly energetic, consider using a chair on castors to transport it, as an alternative to a hernia.

4. With the speed of a water-cooler-changer pro, whip the little plastic cover off the new bottle and despatch it binwards.

5. Carefully lift the bottle towards the cooler. This is the critical bit. Do this right, and you'll win the next office Nobel Peace Prize. Get it wrong and you'll have soggy feet.

6. Tilt the bottle towards the cooler and start to pour the water into the top. But not for too long, or you'll be left standing with an empty bottle and a discomforting wet feeling. Keep tilting the bottle onto the cooler until it's upright in its normal resting place.

How did you rate?

All in the cooler, others watching in awe 100 points
All in the cooler, someone else watching 90 points
All the water in the cooler 80 points
A little water on the wall, rest in the cooler 60 points
Some water on you, but most in the cooler 45 points
Carpet pretty damp but some water got in the cooler 25 points
Water everywhere but in the cooler 15 points
Pulled a muscle getting the refill 10 points
Accidentally used pot plant instead of water bottle 5 points
Chickened out 0 points

Toxic Custard Workshop Files Guide To Life In The Office