Toxic Custard Workshop Files The Adventures of Ron and Jeff

5: Taxi

(Ron and Jeff are looking for a taxi)

RON: There's one!

JEFF: Where?

RON: There! Look. Coming towards us.

JEFF: Ron, that's a truck.

RON: But it says taxi.

JEFF: Trucks. "Taxi Trucks". It then goes on to elaborate about how cheap and reliable Al's Taxi Trucks are to hire.

RON: Shall I hail him anyway?

JEFF: I don't think so. We just need to get home, we don't need to take a load of furniture with us. At least, not on this occasion. Ah look, here's one. No, damn, it's hired.

RON: Now why is that?

JEFF: Because I think you'll find that there are several thousand taxis in this city... but they don't all cruise around looking for just us. They don't pull up to some couple on the curb and say "sorry mate, can't take you. We're all looking out for Ron and Jeff".

RON: There's one!

JEFF: Ah, well done. Hail him. C'mon, stick your hand up. He can't see you. Over here!! Quick Ron, jump in front of him.

(Ron does so. The taxi screeches to a halt. Ron ends up on the bonnet. Ron and Jeff get in.)

JEFF: Puke Road please. Corner of Scum Street.

DRIVER: Okay. You'll forgive me if I don't get into a conversation about the traffic with you -- I haven't gone on my traffic jam whingeing course yet.

JEFF: But surely you must have some views on life that you're just dying to talk to us about?

RON: Yeah, some kind of token discussion before we all stop talking and feel uncomfortable for the rest of the trip.

DRIVER: Well, I'll tell you what, I'll go on about youth. Ahem. I don't know about the youth of today. I see them in the streets and I really don't know what there is for them. There must be some kind of goal for them to work for...

RON: Yeah.

JEFF: Erm, excuse me, but there may be a misunderstanding here. When I said you must have something to talk to us about... I didn't mean I wanted you to.


JEFF: No. So please just shut up and drive the cab while we make conspiratorial noises in the back.

DRIVER: Right you are, guv.

JEFF: And don't call me "guv". This isn't a London black cab, this is a Silver-Top Falcon. And you're not some cockney git of a taxi driver wot's learned The Knowledge, you're just some Aussie git who probably barely knows his way around a Melways. So just shut up and drive.

4: Takeaway 6: Red Tape, Charity, More Telly

TCWF - Ron & Jeff