Toxic Custard Workshop Files the Toxic Custard Shakespeare

A Midsummer-Night's Dream

Act I: Scene II: Athens. Quince's house.

QUINCE... you must needs play Pyramus.
BOTTOMWell, I will undertake it. What beard were I best to play it in?
QUINCEWhy, what you will.
BOTTOMI will discharge it in either your straw-colour beard, your orange-tawny beard, your purple-in-grain beard, or your French-crown-colour beard, your perfect yellow.
QUINCEQuite a choice, but have you seen the new range at Beard City?
BOTTOMNay, I have not.
QUINCEThe Winter season's beards have just arrived at Beard City, and if you come in now, we'll give you five beards for the price of four. And not only that, but you can check out our large range of false moustaches.
BOTTOMBut hast thou a beard for Pyramus?
QUINCESir, we have the largest range of beards in the southern hemisphere! From our bargain Chadwick and Hinch models, right up to the classical Da Vinci style and the top of the range - the Jesus.
BOTTOMI fear for the quality and steadfastness of the product.
QUINCEFear not, our beards are made to last! Beard City's beards are made of only the finest materials, constructed under supervision by expert craftsmen! And our beards come with a lifetime guarantee!


If this beard proves to be defective in materials or workmanship, it will be replaced.
Note: Beard City will not be liable for any injury, loss or damage, direct or consequential, arising out of the improper use of, or the inability to use, this beard.
Beard City recommend and stock sharp razorblades!

BEARD CITY - "Keep your chin warm this winter" sale, now on!
Biggest range, best prices, all sizes available.
4 Napier Street, Essendon. Phone 9370-5538 or 9375-2999

Toxic Custard Workshop Files Shakespeare