Toxic Custard Workshop Files the Toxic Custard Shakespeare


Act V: Scene II:

OTHELLOPeace, and be still!
DESDEMONAI will so. What's the matter?
OTHELLOThat handkerchief which I so loved with the monogrammed
'D' on it, and gave thee,
Thou gav'st to Cassio
DESDEMONAWell he swapped me a little electronic organ for it.
Send for the man, and ask him.
OTHELLOSweet soul, take heed,
Take heed of perjury
thou art on thy death-bed.
DESDEMONAAy, but not yet to die.
The life-expectancy these days is low, but not this low...
OTHELLOTherefore confess thee freely of thy skin, er sin;
For to deny each article with oath
Cannot remove nor choke the strong conception
That I do groan withal. Thou art to die.
DESDEMONAYou come near me and I'll put this breadknife in you!
OTHELLOI say, amen. Hallelujah and praise the Lord. And all that jazz.
DESDEMONAAnd have you mercy too! I never did
Offend you in my life; and Cassio
Did provide such a general warranty of heaven on that organ.
We did never even have it off.
OTHELLOBy heaven, I saw my handkerchief in's hand.
O perjured woman! thou dost stone my heart,
And mak'st me call what I intend to do
A murder, which I thought a sacrifice.
I saw the handerchief.
DESDEMONALook, it only cost two dollars!
I never gave it him. He wanted it bad... but a letter of
France he had not.
OTHELLOHe hath confessed.
DESDEMONAOh. Well. In that case...
OTHELLOThat he hath used thee.
DESDEMONAYeah? Was I good?
DESDEMONAHe didn't tell me that.
OTHELLONo, his mouth is stopped;
Honest Iago hath ta'en order for't.
DESDEMONAOh, my fish interprets! what, is he dead?
OTHELLOHad all his hairs been lives, my great revenge
Had stomach for them all.
DESDEMONAYou violent sadistic black bastard!
Alas, he is betrayed, and I undone!
OTHELLOOut, strumpet! weep'st thou for him to my face?
DESDEMONAWhat trumpet? O, banish me, my lord, but kill me not!
Anything- I'll even listen to Milli Vanilli, but please...
OTHELLODown, strumpet!
DESDEMONAKill me tomorrow; let me live tonight!
I'll make it worth your while...
OTHELLONay, if you strive-
DESDEMONARight, I've just about had enough of you.
You're stingy with the housekeeping money,
you're always in a bad mood when you get home from work,
and now I find out you're a dangerous murderer!
OTHELLOBeing done, there is no pause
DESDEMONAWhat, the VCR's broken as well? Oh terrific.
I'll get Cassio in to fix it.
OTHELLOIt is too late. For 'tis past 1am already,
and I must to work on the morrow
[Attempts to brutally murder her with a pillow.]

Toxic Custard Workshop Files Shakespeare