Toxic Custard Workshop Files The Adventures of Ron and Jeff

14: Christmas

JEFF: Merry Christmas!

RON: What?

JEFF: Merry Christmas.

RON: Marry Kris Mess?

JEFF: What the hell's wrong with you?

RON: Nothing's wrong with me, I just don't know what you're talking about. Who is Kris Mess?

JEFF: Have you never heard of Christmas?


JEFF: You've never heard of Christmas?

RON: Well I don't recall it. What is it?

JEFF: It's the 25th of December.

RON: And they're ringing the last bell? 

JEFF: What?

RON: What?

JEFF: What?

RON: Sorry. Apart from being that day, what is it?

JEFF: It's when the Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus, and--

RON: Okay, I've heard of Him. He's the guy who always gets His pronoun with a capital letter because the Christians are in control of the English language, right? So it's His birthday?

JEFF: Umm, well not exactly.

RON: Why don't they celebrate His birth on His birthday then?

JEFF: Because they don't know exactly when it is.

RON: Why not?

JEFF: Because He died almost two thousand years ago.

RON: Fair dinkum?

JEFF: Yeah. Look, are you sure you've never heard of any of this?

RON: Not that I recall. Do go on.

JEFF: Okay, well the Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus, not because it's His birthday (though it might be), but just because they need a day to celebrate it. And a lot of other people celebrate it just as a day of being nice to people, giving presents and cards, catching up with family and so on.

RON: Isn't that the kind of thing you should do all year? Being nice to people, and--

JEFF: Well it is, yes, but the difference is on Christmas Day people actually try to do it.

RON: Ah okay.

JEFF: And there's various other parts of the tradition, such as Father Christmas, a jolly fat bloke in a red suit who comes down chimneys in the middle of the night to leave presents.

RON: You made that bit up!

JEFF: No I didn't, honestly.

RON: Well that explains that guy in the shopping centre yesterday. I ran away when he shouted at me.

JEFF: What, "Ho Ho Ho"?

RON: Yeah.

JEFF: So I won't be expecting a present from you this year?

RON: Probably not, no.

JEFF: Ah well, I didn't get you anything anyway.

RON: But most other people give gifts and are nice to each other?

JEFF: Yes. Well, kind of. Actually most of them end up spending all their money on gifts, stuffing themselves with way too much food and having big family arguments instead.

RON: Well that sounds more like it! Yeah! Okay! Merry Christmas!

13: Holiday 15: Anzac Day

TCWF - Ron & Jeff